Kamui's Thoughts
by Tempest Rose
Summary: Set after X The Movie, a one shot fic from Kamui's pov. Rated for the sadistic nature in which my mind works. R&R please!


Jedi Mistress Serenity: I don't own any rights to X the movie. This is set after the end of the movie, and with any luck my drama teacher will let me use it for a monologue! Li, Ferio, and Bojangles: We Wish You A Merry X-Mas, And A Happy New Year! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I've actually gone through with it. Fuma's gone because of me, and so is everyone else. Mother, Kotori, Yuzaria, Hinoto, all of them are gone. I even miss that obnoxious guy and the quiet man with glasses. I think their names were Sorata and Mr. Aoki. Also, I miss that nicer woman from the brothels, Karen. Arashi seemed to be somewhat rude, too bad Fuma killed them. Fuma, my childhood best friend who I slaughtered not even an hour ago. Yeah I stopped the end of the world from coming, so what? I would gladly take it all back and let Fuma win if I could. But I can't, and now I have to go on with my life knowing that I killed my best friend, and inadvertently caused the deaths of my own mother, as well as the very people who helped me and became my allies. And Kotori. My childhood crush, killed because I returned to Tokyo. It was Mother's dying wish, after all.  
  
You got your wish, Mother. I came back to Tokyo, and everyone I care about died because of that simple act. I failed Mother, failed to protect you and everyone else that I've ever cared about. I even killed Fuma with my own two hands; the very same hands I used to make a secret handshake with him all those years past. Gods, that seems like it all happened so many lifetimes ago. Everything's so vague. My childhood, even Yuzaria's death a few hours ago, all of it seems to be slipping away now. Gods Mother, could it all have been so long ago that it feels like eternity, or could it just be because they're all dead that makes those memories so far away. I've been left alone. I don't mind, really. I deserve to be punished for my failure. Mother, Hinoto, please forgive me, I've killed them all.  
  
Everyone who ever cared any about me, helped me, had anything to do with my life, are all gone. And Kotori, I failed you. You were so close, almost safe from him. I could have jumped up, could have fought him off, could have saved you...Ha ha ha, so ironic. All the could haves and the should haves. All so blasted bittersweet. And here I sit, in a pool of blood. Fuma's blood. The smell is overwhelming, almost perfume like. Strange, isn't it? I killed my best friend, and now I am sitting in a pool of his blood. I'm covered in it. Has my mind finally snapped, since now I say the smell of death is sweet like perfume?  
  
How did we become enemies, when we used to be like brothers? The reason I came back to this wretched city was to protect him, as well as Kotori. Why then, did he listen to Kanoe? Mother warned me not to trust here, but I should have said something to him.  
  
My name, it means "the power of God," so why then does he seem to hate me? What have I ever done to anger God? Hinoto, what was it you saw that I didn't? You had so much faith in this power of mine. But that power you believed in so much, is the very same power that brutally killed those I sought to protect with it. This world holds nothing for me any longer. If only... Here I am, talking like a man who still has hope, innocence, and a place to call home. I have none of these. I have no right to claim any good or whole inherent virtues for myself. My soul is eternally soaked with the blood of those who died within this past week.  
  
This planet, this life-giving ball of molten rock and liquid metals, why do we value it so much, when the earth itself seems as if it is attempting to rid itself of our unnatural existence? Why is it that the Dragons who sought to purge this planet of the human bacteria had white wings; while those of us who fought to protect mankind, the Dragons of Heaven, we were called, wore wings of black? Maybe Kanoe was right. Maybe we really lost this battle. Was I ever anything more than just a tool of war for God to use in this final battle that was waged? This wretched city, on this tortured planet, such a sad fate befalls those who dwell here.  
  
Do they know? All the people, going about their daily chores wondering what happened to the devastated areas of their beloved city, do they know who sacrificed their lives so the people of the city can live in peace? Do they know the names of the seven people who died so that the pollution we call human beings could remain?  
  
There is nothing left for me here. Not in this city, and not in this world. And yet, I cannot bring myself to die so soon. Maybe my heart thinks I haven't suffered enough yet. Yes, that must be it. To die now, so soon after everyone else in my life, I would be getting off easy. No, I can't take the easy and guilt free way out. Nor can I ever be happy again. Not after what I've done, not after failing so many who were counting on me. I have no right to find peace in this world, or in the next one for that matter.  
  
Peace, what is that? I think I used to know, but I don't anymore. Did I have a peaceful childhood? I don't remember it anymore. That picture of Fuma, Kotori, and me, when the glass broke, I should have known. The lines in the glass, one between Fuma and me, and two coming to a point at the base of Kotori's neck. Why didn't I see the signs? So obvious to everyone but me. At least, I think it would be.  
  
Did Hinoto know this would happen? Did they all know that they would die? Mr. Aoki's family, will his children understand why he won't be coming home? And what of the one I didn't meet? I think Hinoto called him Subaru. Will his family understand why he died? Will any of their family's understand why they were sacrificed. Arashi, Yuzaria, Sorata, Karen, Subaru, Mr. Aoki, Hinoto and Kanoe, Nataku, Shugo Asagi, Seishiro Sakurazuka, Yuto Kigai, Satsukiachi, Kusanagi, all of them are gone now. All because of me. 


End file.
